It seems to all couples that everything is happening to them in a different way, not like others. But even in love, there are some rules and typical behaviors. Eros, Storge, and Philia are three main types (there various minor ones too), at least one of which will probably remind you of the relationships between you and the partner.
· Different types and kinds
Speaking of love, it combines physical attraction, emotional communication, and companionship. Meanwhile, love has many sides to it: dependence, merging, reasoning, attachment, hatred. The ancient Greek philosophers distinguished sensual and bodily attraction ( like the one towards Ukrainian women), the need for spiritual closeness, as well as passionate love (thirst for possession) and gentle (need for self-giving. Most of us experience different types of love throughout our lives; moreover, we can treat our partner differently even during one short romance. And what we consider to be love for another person may turn out, in fact, something else.
Psychologists and sexologists, following the ancient Greeks, distinguish three types of love: eros, storge, and philia. Relationships can begin within one model, continue in another, then move into a third. We change, and relationships often become different. To love passionately is to discover the ability to experience emotions about which we did not even know before
But what unites these different images of love? The idealization of the other, and in some sense, the depreciation of oneself. Stunned by emotions, we give the partner the virtues and virtues, which, as we often believe, we ourselves are deprived of. We can say that idealization, narcissism, dependence on the other, and determine the characteristics of these three types of love.
· EROS: LOVE-PASSION
Vivid emotions, enthusiasm and constant physical attraction to a partner, excitement from staying with them, and touching them or any bodily contacts and impatience, intense anxiety, even with a brief separation. Such love arises spontaneously and does not depend on the conscious attitude to another person. Psychologically, it is experienced as a state of acute emotional instability with transitions from euphoria to excruciating uncertainty and jealousy.
In eros-relations, the main experiences are connected with what physical sensations a person has. To love passionately is to discover in ourselves the ability to experience emotions about which we did not even suspect before. Quite often such relations arise at the beginning of acquaintance.
Love passion is beneficial for everyone, but it cannot become the foundation of a real relationship. Only when partners accept each other with all the advantages and disadvantages, realize themselves as they are (outside the couple), they take the next step – from reckless passion to constructive, peaceful love.
· STORGUE: LOVE-FRIENDSHIP
We understand each other and we have common interests. Thanks to intellectual and mental closeness, sexual relationships can also arise: friendship flows into love, and the emotional arousal that is present in the store-relations initially complements sexual.
Such love is filled with feelings, but it begins not with a passionate attraction, but with the closeness of interests. Sexual attraction is important, but it is not the key. It arises at the moment when we maximize the idealization of the other, and often at this moment we realize for the first time: we are loved. And then there is a desire to indulge in feelings, which are still suppressed because of lack of self-confidence or fear of ruining the friendship.
Such love is reliable, durable and gives confidence that the partner will always understand and support us. But in such relationships, monotony may occur, which can cause boredom.
· PHILIA: LOVE-RESPECT
Sometimes, we take a loved one literally as the second half: without them, it is difficult for us to feel our integrity. The philia assumes that each of us is a self-sufficient person. It is love that combines desire and reason: partners are able to live together, love each other, but do not belong to each other. It is good for them both,
but they can each exist separately. The basic principle of relationships that develop by the type of philia love is: “I love you, but I understand that I am not you and that you are different from me.”
The main thing in such a kind of love, as a philia, is respect not only for the partner but also for yourself. In this case, we listen to our interests and desires – and this allows us to come to a deeper relationship, comfortable for both. And while the word “respect” is not well combined with romantic ideals, it is the best “insurance” for love.